The Two Elizabeths and Daddy

World Traveller Series III — Relationships ~ Episode 7

by Brett Hayhoe

Introduction

I have always used terms of affection with my closest friends and colleagues. It is my way of separating the ordinary from those held nearer and dearer — a private taxonomy of people who matter most. For the purposes of this episode, the two Elizabeths shall be known as M and H.

Add Daddy to the mix, and the trio of trouble is complete.

I have known all three for roughly the same length of time — ever since the move to Melbourne, twenty-two-plus years ago — though the circumstances of each meeting could not have been more different. All three remain in the picture, although perhaps not as close as once they were. This, it turns out, is its own kind of story.

M — The Elizabeth Who Could Lip Sync

I met M while he was performing his drag act at a local club.

Let me be direct about something: I have always had strong opinions about drag queens who cannot lip sync. It is, in my view, one of the core elements of the craft. Done properly, it elevates everything around it. Done poorly — or not done at all — it diminishes the act and the actor both. The costumes matter. The creativity matters. The overall delivery matters enormously. But the ability to mime a number and sell it as though you are genuinely performing it live — that is the glue that holds the entire entertainment mosaic together. Without it, what remains is simply a gay boy in a frock miming to other people’s music.

M caught my attention because he could do it. Really do it. The ability to sell a song you are not actually singing is a talent worthy of genuine praise, and M had it in abundance.

He would become one of my closest friends and confidantes. A man who would put everything down — without hesitation, without complaint — to come and keep me company through some fairly dark days. Whose counsel, on more than one occasion, probably saved my life or at least my sanity. Funny, entertaining, loyal, loving and courageous, bundled into a small yet entirely dynamic package.

The Elizabeth who could lip sync. As it happens, he could do rather a lot more than that.

H — The Elizabeth of Pride March

H came into the picture through the Pride movement. We served together on the board of Pride March Victoria — which is, as introductions go, not the worst way to meet someone.

A sweet soul, often misunderstood but never forgotten. His love of music and trivia is unquestionable. His entertainment value is second to none. His presence, now that some estrangement has settled between us, is genuinely missed.

I have reached out. The reaching has not, to date, been reciprocated. C’est la vie. He knows — or ought to know — that I am here, should he ever need me. The door is open. It will remain so.

Some friendships go quiet without going away entirely. I choose to believe this is one of them.

Daddy — The Elizabeth Who Is Neither Small Nor Entirely Manageable

Daddy and I met by chance in a local nightclub and became instant friends. For a period, we were essentially inseparable. Weekly parties at his place — entertaining, reliably so, the kind of gatherings that leave you slightly worse for wear and considerably better for having attended.

We share a considerable amount of common ground: the same political affiliations, marriages that did not survive, children, and a mutual love of Thailand and everything in it. On paper, a natural pairing.

In practice, a complex character. His quick temper and occasionally misguided recalcitrant attitude have seen me cut from his radar on more than one occasion — presumably to teach me a lesson of some kind.

This sort of nonsense, I should be clear, does not work with me.

What you see is what you get. Like me, hate me — I genuinely do not give a tinker’s cuss. The lesson, whatever it was intended to be, has not landed in the way it was presumably designed to.

Conclusion

Three people. Twenty-two-plus years. Three entirely different introductions — a club stage, a Pride board, a chance encounter at a bar — and three friendships that have each taken their own shape, at their own pace, with their own particular complications.

At the end of the day, it is what it is. I am not a person who mends bridges I did not break — at least not deliberately. I do not have too many Christmases left, and what time remains is not well spent on that kind of exercise.

I have come to a certain realisation about the solo, largely quiet existence I currently occupy. It is not always the preferred arrangement. But it is the one that is, and I have adapted to it with something approaching equanimity.

M, H and Daddy are still in the picture — each in their own way, at their own distance. That they are still there at all, after twenty-two-plus years and everything that has passed between us, is perhaps the most honest thing that can be said about all three of them.

They are the trio of trouble. They are also, in their various and complicated ways, the Elizabeths — and Daddy.

The World Traveller Series is written and produced by Brett Hayhoe — publisher, editor and administrator of Q Magazine.
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