Adi – Deception Has a Name

World Traveller ~ Series III: Relationships ~ Episode 2

Written and published by Brett Hayhoe

It started with a Sunday afternoon hookup and ended in heartbreak, tears, anger and regret. From the moment I saw him I was mesmerised by his eyes. On reflection, however, there were many triggers that should have told me he was the most narcissistic person I would ever meet.

The Beginning

The afternoon went nicely enough, but as soon as he had what he came for, he left. I messaged him many times without a response and had all but given up — until a random call came asking whether I wanted a package of goods he was unable to take with him. He had decided to return to India to check on his parents. It was the very beginning of the Covid pandemic.

He came to my place in an Uber and, the opposite of what we had planned, stopped outside, handed me a bag of things through the window and left. Another trigger I was too blind to see.

Three Years of Nothing and Everything

I was not to hear from him again until yet another random call — this time asking whether, when he returned from India, he could stay with me. This man was a contradiction wrapped in contradictions. I said yes, of course.

One problem: Australia had closed its borders. Only Australian citizens were permitted to enter. Regardless of what we tried, every effort to bring him back was met with roadblocks, red tape and futility.

What followed were three years of what was, in essence, an internet relationship — filled to the brim with drama. His sister outed him to his parents. The entire family contracted Covid and, thankfully, recovered. And then there were the months — plural — when he simply and unapologetically vanished without a single word of communication.

Through all of it, I called in every favour I had. I am fortunate to have a broad network of political contacts, and I used every one of them. Eventually, I arranged a visa for him to return.

The truth, I would later understand, is that he was playing me the entire time. His affections were a performance — designed to keep me on a string in the hope I would deliver him back to Melbourne. He used me. He even used me to write the final papers for his Masters degree at MIT.

Arrival

He arrived on the first of January, following three cancelled return dates — each cancelled without any notice to me whatsoever. The six months that followed were the worst six months of my life.

Around ten days after his arrival, I was rushed to The Alfred ICU with collapsed kidneys, advanced pneumonia and a heart that was not coping with the weight of accumulated stress. The five days that followed are absent from my memory entirely. I underwent full dialysis. Waking up in an ICU is a story unto itself — and one I will tell another time.

While I was in hospital, Adi left our home. He never returned. He made a couple of visits afterward that amounted to nothing more than a spectacular waste of time. He stole from me. He lied to me. He abandoned me when I needed someone most. He treated me as though I were rubbish to be discarded.

What Remains

I have not had many relationships in my life. But I have never cried as much as I did throughout those three years of deception. I often wonder what my life would look like had I never met Adi. On balance, I believe it would be infinitely better than it currently is.

And yet — I believe in the universe, and I believe this was meant as a lesson. A lesson learned. One I will never repeat.

What it left behind, however, is real: trust issues that run deep, and a quiet, firm decision that I will not have another relationship for the rest of my days. Sad, perhaps. But true.

The World Traveller Series is written and produced by Brett Hayhoe — publisher, editor and administrator of Q Magazine.

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